What I Know For Sure

These last weeks have been filled with so many questions, grief, confusion, sadness, and anger. It won’t be the answers that ever quell the pain, they aren't ours to have.

What I know for sure is that Mark was a generous person and a good friend. He would go out of his way to help people, with little in return. He passionately wanted to bring peace to those with loved ones on the other side, he wanted to share his spiritual gifts and help others develop theirs. He was the man with the beautiful handwriting and addressed envelopes to Shaun with funny pet names like “Shaun Poo-Diddy Hughes” or most commonly “Spock ”.

Like most of us, his life held many contradictions. He showed the world confidence and ego, but was easily humbled. He could be secretive and sometimes impatient, but when he chose to, he shared of himself deeply. He had pretty good financial instincts, yet bought lottery tickets with the real belief he would win. He enjoyed the dream of what could become of great winnings--from companies to communities; he and Shaun were going to change the world.

Mark was smart and one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. I will miss the levity he brought into our world. He loved music and guitars. I often picture him in a sea of yellow rain slickers at a Rolling Stones concert, in the pouring rain many years ago. Shaun and Mark shared many experiences over their 25 year friendship—concerts, skiing, roller blading, practical jokes, dreams, the occasional mind meld, and lots of laughter.

What I know for sure is Mark loved his son, no questions there, none at all.

Mark, you are missed, you are loved. We wish you rest and peace.

Homework

Seriously? Of all the pictures to illustrate our desert climate, this is what he chooses? I'm pretty sure we should have just let it go to school. I'm not sure which was better the look on Shaun's face when he brought it to me, or Nate's when the explanation clicked.

Miss Manners

"Mom, you may as well stop trying to teach me manners, I'm going to have to learn them from my future girlfriends who leave the table in disgust."

Distinction

"I feel like I will be moving from my home to a house."

Change

"I'm sad, usually I'm happy when I go down and see all the balloons and this time I wasn't." Nate age 9

Perseverance

We three took on Bates Nut Farm on our own this year. Gorgeous day with the all the usual festivities, save the ponies. They were there, but Nate said he was done with them; he only rides horses now, thank you very much.

After the tractor ride, rock climbing, frisbee painting, and tri tip eating; finally, it was time to choose our squash.

The rule is always the same, you can choose any pumpkin, as long as you can pick it up and put it into the wheelbarrow.

And so began our journey across the picked through patch.

It turned out to be a longer than usual afternoon.

Complete with a lost and later (thankfully) found cell phone.

Have I ever mentioned that when Nate puts his mind to something, there's not much that can dissuade him from his goal?

Most of the time, it's a beautiful thing.

I spend more time negotiating than is probably wise.

My last negotiation cost me a new betta fish, but landed me two free weeks of pet feeding and poop pick up with nary a complaint.

I became fearful that this negotiation was going to land us in the hospital for a hernia, but I hung back and let him do his thing. I busied myself losing my phone and looking for the perfect butternut speciman; slightly overripe and sweet, but not, you know, rotten.

I was told several times, "this was not the time for photos".

There aren't many times that are the time for photos it seems.

I have to negotiate for those too.

I'm pretty sure he indulged me a few because he was working out his own negotiation.

There was no way this child was not going to get one of those "Big Mac" pumpkins in our wheelbarrow.

He knew all along that he wasn't going to pick up the pumpkin he wanted.

He also knows what suckers we are.

Sometimes I'm too easy, sometimes too difficult and sometimes just crazy.

But I'm pretty okay with flexing the boundaries in response to hard work and perseverance. Plus, you should have seen his face.

It was pretty fantastic.

Boy to Boy

"You may be scared, but you're also brave"

Nate, age 8