Understatement

"Mommy, I want you to make me a little brother or sister."

"Oh, that would be nice, but it's not going to happen Hon."

"But I want it."

"There's this song, I think you've heard it a time or a hundred...you can't always get what you want..."

Relentless, "Why not?"

"Because sometimes a person's body won't do what you want it to."

"But Mommy, did you go to the doctor?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did."

"Well, I think you should try again."

Take me home, country road...

We had the good fortune of spending the afternoon at a friend's house today. This is not your typical San Diego county home. I would call it New England Farmhouse in style. They have a full basement, a front porch and decks across the entire rear of the home from which to appreciate the country views of rolling hills all the way to the Pacific Ocean. Adirondack chairs, lanterns, a fire pit and thick planks of salvaged lumber make for outdoor dining and entertainment. Oh, and Kathleen and Rick have a few pets. Here is the latest addition to their family, a sweet puppy named Cassie:


Next we met Charlotte:


Molly may have been my favorite:



We fed the sheep,


and chickens.


Nate even got to check the nest boxes in the hen house for eggs. He scored and got to take home his booty.


Speaking of booty, the garden was in full production and gorgeous. We came home with a bag full of basil, onions, carrots, cabbage, and swiss chard. Delicious.


I guess I'm a country girl at heart because I love this place. I am so grateful for such a wonderful afternoon and getting to see my son running down country roads, across fields, and me being more fearful of a snake bite than oncoming traffic.


Incidentally, the next morning before I cracked those farm eggs for Nathan's breakfast he was quick to stop me..."Wait! What if Kathleen gave us the wrong kind of eggs, what if there are chicks in them? I don't want to kill the chicks, I want to wait for them to hatch!" I reminded him of a few things and pointed out there was not a rooster in the hen house...So my child is making it his mission to supply one rooster for every hen in the house so they can all get married and have baby chicks, because that would be so cute, and one could fit right in his hand dontcha know?

Many thanks to Bonny for the idea and to Kathleen and Rick for their generous hospitality.

Spa Sunday?

It's been a pretty good run, but it's over now. I have been deemed the baddest, meanest mother ever made. Apparently, there is no laughing, playing or fun around here at all, ever.

I, in fact, ruin everything. He had no choice but to call off Mother's Day. There will be no more flowers for me, my garden will soon be pulled out, and rats will fill my home. Howz that for a Mother's Day greeting? When I tell him not to speak to me with disrespect, I am informed that that makes me even meaner.

On the way to swimming lessons, he asked me for another batch of caterpillars and I foolishly let a bit of sarcasm slip and responded that maybe he should ask some other nice mommy. With no sarcasm of his own, he said, "ok, I'll ask your mommy."

Fantastic, maybe she will also house the mice, lizards, and birds you want; give you your dinner right now; and let you give the cats "bathez" each morning before the sunrise. Yes, that sounds pretty good about now.

Consequences

"Mommy, I am getting you a lot of new pets for your birthday. We are going to do it in steps, and today, we are going to get the food and toys. So do you want to get rabbit food, bearded dragon food, or bird food?"

"Uh, none thank you, I think the kittens we got two weeks ago are quite enough for now."

"Mommy, I gave you your choices and if you keep saying none, that means we are going to get even more pets. It's time to go to Petco, which did you choose; a rabbit, bearded dragon, or a bird?"

"I am not going to Petco and we are not getting any more pets today."

"Mommy, if you don't do as I say, there will be a consequence and I don't think you will like it...no birthday party for you. Do you understand that means no cake?"

Tessie and Shelby

Approximately 48 hours after we had Chippy Fight Fight home, we were informed that Beta Fish were boring. Then we received our caterpillars in the mail which were slightly more exciting as they can be carried all around the house by their proud master watching for all stages of the grand metamorphosis, a concept and a word Nate's been familiar with for a couple of years now. Somehow the discussions started pointing towards a more interactive, pettable pet and this morning when I got out of the shower a very excited five year old barged in on me and told me all about how we were getting a cat today. He didn't stop talking or jumping up and down about it for a good ten minutes. The next time I want something, I must remember to put Nathan on the job, because moments later Shaun joined the party and confirmed it was true; we were getting a cat today.

What? Just one? That's just not how we roll. Meet Tessie and Shelby, female littermates, seven months old. So far they seem easy going, tolerant and happy.




Granted, we are the adults and parents in this house and we make the decisions gosh darn it; but the fact remains we are both more dog than cat people and Nathan was quick to ask when we could take the kitties for a walk to Isaac's house. Also, when were we getting a dog to see how they all get along?

Yeah, I think I'll take the over on that one.

Testing, testing...

"Mommy, I don't love you any more."

"You do too."

"No, I really don't."

"Oh, why do you suppose that is?"

"Because you broke my heart."

"Oh no, how did I do that?"

"Because I love you too much and it broke my heart."

At this I broke into the biggest, most dramatic sobbing I could muster and thankfully garnered laughter and assurances that he was kidding. Whew, that was close.

Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

It's been pretty clear there's a little boy in our midst lately. I've found rocks in my dryer, there's been chugging of milk right from the jug, earthworm collections, pet snails, thumbs smashed with hammers, exorbitant amounts of time spent in the bathroom and new notions of competition and speed.


He still has an answer for most things, like when he explained to me months ago why "there are no more fairies, none of any kind", it seems "they were from a long time ago and they got old and they died and that's it, there are no more and never will be." This even before the constant talk of death in our home...

If we give him a direct instruction, a global rule, such as, don't climb over the stair railing. He may or may not comply, but there will always be an entire explanation of precisely when that behavior might be necessary and acceptable. I know I'm in trouble when I hear, "Except when....there's a fire and I have to jump down to not get burned up and killed..."


He has a burgeoning sense of humor with the expected knock knock jokes that usually make no sense whatsoever. Though I did get a kick out of the first joke he told us last summer, where he learned it, I have no idea.

"Why did the chicken cross the playground?"

I surely didn't know.

"To get to the other slide!"

All hilarity breaks loose lately when he burps and I remind him, "What do you say after you burp?"

"I say...fuuuuuu-nnnnnnnnny!"

The bathroom humor can go as far as I'm concerned, but the smart humor, I'm convinced can take a person places. A couple of months ago, Jarrah spent the night and when I went in to shush them well after bedtime, Nathan informed me they would be "staying up all night long because we are nocturnal!"


Our little boy has also become quite the protector. He has offered to protect me more than once when I've expressed misgivings about doing something. We went to the holiday light extravaganza at the zoo and Nathan really wanted to try ice skating. Having never been on ice skates myself, I didn't feel competent enough to try it for the first time on my own with him and on some sort of pseudo plastic "ice" to boot. "Don't worry Mommy, I'll protect you, I'll help you." Oh, okay then! This actually gave me pause, why would he offer to protect me? Have I not made our roles clear and safe for him? Am I putting some weird emotional burden on my kid? I like to think not. I like to think he's sensitive and smart and wanted to go ice skating. Too bad for him, maybe next year.


Ah yes, sensitive Nathan. "Mommy, put Puff the Magic Dragon on the cd player. I will play this song for Grandma and Grandpa's dog. It is gentle, Chesty will like how it pets him."

And if you don't happen to have a beard, he may stroke your jaw or put his soft cheek against yours and tell you he loves your face, and guess what? He means it.


His speech is punctuated with more "guess whats?" and "except whens" than even the "Actuallys..." lately. His vocabulary is vast and he doesn't hesitate to stop all conversation or story telling to ask "What means that?" and if he doesn't understand your explanation, he will barrage you with questions until his understanding is complete. Most assuredly he will utilize that new word at the next opportunity to do so. Also, he spells the answers to the simplest questions lately. I'm ready for the novelty to wear off of this one sooner than later, though I'm pretty damn happy to get a response once in awhile.

It's no surprise that his teacher refers to him as a reader, nor that the first words he learned to write on his own after mastering his own name were I love you. His fine motor skills are getting where we want them to be for kindergarten next year and he is now enjoying writing, coloring and drawing way more than ever before. The occupational therapist Nathan saw for torticollis when he was a baby pointed out what now seems obvious, that babies or kids (all of us?) simply don't do what is difficult. There are some things that I thought weren't of much interest to Nathan, such as coloring or riding his tricycle, I'm learning those may have been some of the things that were simply difficult in terms of his unique development.


Nathan remains enthralled with all babies and requests me to have many more on a regular basis. With his recent study of birds, amphibians and reptiles he seems to have forgotten our Its Not The Stork book and discussions for the moment. A couple of days ago he told me he wanted me to lay another baby.

And the music, holy cow, it never ends. Now, with his current teacher he still sings constantly, but the songs are educational and fun. I've learned about the layers of the earth, the continents and so much more. Mostly the songs he comes home with are a peek into what goes on during his days at school, and that, I cherish.


As gentle and kind as he can be, I am pleased to see indications of boundaries put in place. He doesn't try to impress me by copying my tastes. In fact, if I say I don't care for something, he will tell me he doesn't like it either, actually, he loves it! Once I told him the cool way to wear a shirt and he promptly told me he didn't care about the "cool" way, he wanted to wear it the "Nathan" way.

Emotions are running rampant for him the beginning of this sixth year, and man oh man do they swing from one extreme to the other. The rumblings are pretty obvious before he blows, but the challenge remains how to negotiate that fine line between providing a safe place to let go and disciplining unacceptable behavior, and oh yeah, not losing it myself...there's that.

Slowly, I'm learning the peace in accepting the paradoxes in life and in parenting. Sometimes it feels entirely odd and perfect that my child should be so responsible for bringing many of my life's lessons out of the dark caverns of my head and into the reality of our days. I suppose the simple notion that with parenting comes deliberate action is bound to nudge lots of stuff into the light.

I'm reminded of the night after Nathan's birth. He was about sixteen hours old, it was the middle of the night and he lay in a roll away bassinet next to my hospital bed. Shaun was in the bed across the room. Our new baby cried. Shaun slept. The birth had not been easy on either of us. I was severely limited in my physical movements, so I reached out and put my whole hand firmly across his tiny body. In the same moment I felt a fool for thinking such a simple act would be of any comfort and knowing without question it would. It was that moment that I became a mother, and then, we slept.