Draw the Line

Nathan is an affectionate boy, a very affectionate boy. He is quickly identified as "The Hugger" amongst his peers, and if one of his peers has a baby sibling, there is no stopping him, he really loves up the little ones. Some of the time it's sweet, more of the time it's inappropriate and it's a tough situation to parent. Nathan's behavior is not overtly hurting anyone, he wants to hug too long, kiss, hold hands and stroke soft skin--if I don't squash it all out of him first, it could be a great thing in his life someday.

I can't tell you the number of times parents of the other kids will tell Nate or me, "oh it's okay", after I've directed him to unhand their child. It's annoying on several levels. Are we, particularly as women, so programmed to politeness that we condone and even encourage inappropriate behavior towards our daughters? Even when our daughters are clearly uncomfortable? Isn't this the time we teach them to trust their instincts, to respect themselves and demand that others do as well? One mom even told her spitfire smidge of a daughter to stop being rude when the child refused his advances for a hug. I could have cried, not only was it not serving what I was trying to teach, but what about her daughter? Her body and affections were not her own to share as she saw fit? If we don't teach it now, when exactly should we start?

There are a few little girls and one or two moms that support our cause in teaching Nate to "hug and release" as Mrs L used to say. It may just be Jarrah that gets through to him someday. She certainly has affection to share, but when she's had enough, she's had enough and she let's it be known yet holds no grudges.


Whew, that was a tangent...So I've been encouraging Nate to use words or other gestures to show affection. Trust me, the high-five idea is no where near gettin' it for him, but I think he's trying out a line or two on me lately. I've been hearing a lot of "Mommy, you're so cute", and lots of extra I love yous. Tonight after he got out of the bathtub I was drying his hair. He laid several smooches on me, sighed and told me he wanted to marry someone. I responded "Oh yeah, do you have someone in mind already?"

"No, but whoever they are, they can't like pickles."

"No pickles? Why not?"

"Cause I don't like pickle breath, no pickles and no pickle breath."

Well, men too, must have their boundaries it seems.

(Perhaps I should become 'snack mom' and distribute pickles to all of the girls in his class...that might teach him...)

Baby Girl Donaldson--18 weeks

"...Peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars, this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius..."


"Aquarian Age is thought to bring with it an era of universal brotherhood rooted in reason where it will be possible to solve social problems in a manner equitable to all and with greater opportunity for intellectual and spiritual improvement, since Aquarius is an airy, scientific, and intellectual sign."

Kindergarten...nonfiction

Nate's first day was a big success, he was even more ready, more confident than I thought he would be. Each of us had a moment, a different moment, of welling up with the traditional kinder tears but there was no sobbing or clinging by anyone.


Some of the things Nate had to say about his first day:

"They just do baby stuff."

"She didn't even pick me."

"Can you sign me up to ride the bus?"

"Can you sign me up to eat cafeteria food?"

"We didn't even get any homework."


The week went on and we've mostly fallen into a routine. I am likely having the toughest time of it due to logistics and work demands. My intention is to come to a better solution, but for now, Nate is happy and Shaun is spending good bonding time to and from school with him.

The "homework packet" has since come home and I've had to limit the amount of time we've spent on it--he's very into this new responsibility and all the "paperwork" involved. The work of the worksheets is well below his capability; the focusing and following directions seem to be worthy endeavors. I am most impressed with the calendar activities from which he is to choose two per week to complete, and the reading log that includes a column to indicate whether the books read are fiction or nonfiction. Nathan brought up a good point, often he is not sure whether his books are true or not, how exactly is he supposed to know? So far, homework has been done at the kitchen table; well, with me at the kitchen table and him climbing, pacing and swinging in the near vicinity. Incidentally, something has been going on with his development because he is has turned into quite the climber. I have found him on top of his dresser, my desk, the tv cabinet, chairs and tables. His preferred position for watching television is now upside down.

We are very grateful for what seems to be another fantastic teacher this year. Many of my concerns about Kindergarten were quelled when Nate complained that, "all we ever do is play". Fabulous.

Run, Don't Walk

Though it never really arrived, it's now unofficially over. Summer that is. We celebrated with a neighborhood block party yesterday that was a kids' wonderland complete with a ginormous bouncy slide, several motorized vehicles at their disposal, and 192 pounds of sugary treats with a side of hot dog.


We kicked our summer off with a similar walk through the neighborhood, pulling our otherwise unused gardening cart to the cul de sac piled high with BYOWhatnots and Nate cruising on his scooter, while I yelled across the neighborhood for him to slow down, that this is a busy street. Ahhh, motherhood.

We planted and tended our first garden this spring and summer. I thought our harvest was respectable for a first try. We were in tomatoes all summer long, and also had strawberries, beans, pumpkins, carrots and bell peppers. Two of my favorite sights in our little garden were Nathan picking the fruits and veggies right off the vine, popping them in his mouth and the exclamations that followed; and second, a bunny nibbling at our carrot greens! A bunny sighting is not a common occurrence in our urban setting. We also started composting with red wiggler worms this summer. I'm certain they have reproduced, so I'm thinking they're thriving, but Nate and I are both unsure of "which part of this is the compost?"

Shaun taught Nate to ride his bike without training wheels this summer. He is proficient enough now not to require someone running madly alongside him. That's arguable though since when he becomes fatigued he will invariably smash right into any obstacle in his path. Not a great thing when it's Labor Day at the bay.


Nate had his first root beer in Ventura and lost his first tooth at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Sentimental guy that he is, he didn't want to give it up to the tooth fairy.

Auntie Terry and Uncle Jeff are expecting their first baby in February. Just this morning, with no provocation whatsoever Nate asked, "How big is the baby now?" He loves the baby stories.

We played our first round of miniature golf together, rode our first big roller coasters (he thought he would get to sit in my lap), and stayed awake for his first Padre game. As I was explaining what was going on, not surprisingly, Mr. Literal questioned the running around the bases to home bit. "They aren't going to run to their actual homes are they?"

Nate's been interested in earning money in the past and has earned prizes this summer and previous Summers doing the library reading program, so he definitely understands the concept of it. Another first this summer is his detour away from PBS Kids television channel. Yes, now he wants to watch vile characters doing evil non-kid things and to top it off, these new channels have...commercials...so now there's a whole new world of things that he must have. "Actually, Mommy I don't want a Pillow Pet, I need a Pillow Pet."

"You need one, huh? And how much do they cost?"

"$19.95 plus shipping and handling. And, they are machine washable and guaranteed for 60 days."

"Do you have $19.95?"

"No."

"Well, if you want, we could probably work something out, but you may not want to and that's fine; you can just put the Pillow Pet on your birthday wish list."

From there he proceeded to make his own behavior/earning/Pillow Pet chart complete with the days of the week labeled on the left and a cutout of the advertisement he found in the Toys R Us circular taped to the top. He worked the majority of the summer for that damn pillow and let me tell you, it was a proud day when he earned the final mark and knew a trip to Toys R Us was in store that afternoon. I was pretty proud of us too.


I think maybe the best first of the summer is the full blown reading. It's been coming in bits and pieces for some time, but now, there's no denying it. While the accomplishment he feels is evident, it goes well beyond cracking the code. He reads aloud with expression, appropriate intonations, questions what he doesn't understand, and especially with any Mo Willems books, there is giggling.

There are other firsts that make a mother a tad less proud and more perplexed, infuriated, and triggered but this is not the time or place...

Tomorrow begins a new first, Kindergarten.


Between rounds of Scrabble, laundry and Candyland we asked Nate if he wanted to walk or drive to school tomorrow. "Walk, well--actually run, because the bell rings at 8:58am

Oh Yeah

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
~John F. Kennedy

Pirates and Pendants

I was pretty sure Shaun would be stuck home working while Nate and I headed up the coast to visit my sister and brother in law in Ventura, so I decided to splurge on our room. That doesn't sound right, but basically since I wouldn't have the comfort of my usual personal navigator, I wanted the comfort of familiarity in our accommodation and location. When our regular spot was booked, I reserved a room down the street, due West, thank you very much.


I must be getting anxious in my old age because almost immediately after hitting "reserve", I began to consider the earthquakes we've had lately and from earthquakes come tsunamis and a room in the sky overlooking the ocean may not be the ideal spot to be in such a circumstance. I hoped for above ground parking at the hotel and wondered if Ventura had installed the tsunami escape route signs that dot our own beach town landscape. I am acutely aware of just how wack these new anxieties of mine are, yet somehow they ebb and flow amongst the rest of the clutter in my head.

Nate has always been a trouper on a road trip and this time was not much different, with the exception of a few cases of role reversal. I was called upon to answer the age old classic question from the back seat, "Are we there yet?" at least a dozen times. Also, on the way home, when I got lost, he informed me that he knew how to do directions better than I did. Yeah, that's not really a tough contest to win with me.

Once we arrived I could scarcely get him to leave the hotel room. The kid loves hotels, figuring out every piece of new equipment in his reach, and arranging everything to his liking. This tests my patience much as it is tested with his father anytime we rent a car. He also must test every operation of the vehicle before we leave the rental garage. I'm certain I should count myself lucky that he doesn't peruse the owner's manual before inserting the key in the ignition, but I don't. Instead, I roll my eyes, do a lot of sighing, and think how much further along in our journey we could be if only these tedious details could be figured out in the event they were actually required. Yes, this from the woman who didn't bother to bring a map with her for a road trip with her five year old and proceeded to make a seventy mile, two hour mistake en route home.


Eventually, we made it out to the playground on the beach and met Terry and her friend there shortly after. It was really cool to see Terry share her pregnancy news with a very enthusiastic friend, who is a new mom herself. Jeff met us later and we all went downtown for a lovely dinner.

Saturday was a big day. We slept in and read and watched cartoons followed by breakfast at Nona's at Nathan's request. Next we played text tag with Terry and headed for a stroll through the the farmers' market.


The Ventura Farmer's market is much smaller than ours which is great in that there are way fewer people to jostle about with in the crowd. There are also way fewer farmers offering tastes of their crops since there is much less competition amongst them. Dreads, new age hippies, and folk music made it feel just like home. We stopped to listen to two gals playing Irish country tunes when Nathan promptly demanded money to show his appreciation. I suggested he give them the dollar I knew was in his pocket. There was no hesitation, "I want to give them your money not my money."


Occasionally I know when to pick my battles so I forked over a buck and after a few more songs I pulled Nathan aside and decided it was time he had some spending money of his own. I was feeling bold and curious so I asked him how much money he would like for the weekend. He thought for a good while and wide eyed answered, "ten dollars".

"Whoa, that is a lot of money, how 'bout I give you five instead and you can add it to the one in your pocket, then how much would you have?"

"Six bucks."

"Is that good?"

"Good."

I had it on good authority that the coolest candy and soda pop shop in town was a mere couple of blocks away. Primed and ready, we were off.


There was much browsing and calculating, in the end I was pleased that Nathan chose to spend the bulk of his cash on a small toy instead of a red lacquered bucketful of sugar. It was extra thrilling when the leathery man behind the cash register gave him the candy portion of his purchase since the cash register wouldn't ring it up. Yup, .29 and a balloon made his day.

We met up with Terry and Jeff for more strolling and then a relaxing couple of hours in the park. Nathan had a blast with his Uncle Jeff while Terry and I lounged and chatted in the sunshine. She got to witness Nathan's friend making technique of silently approaching a smaller child and either gently taking their hand, or if he is really enamored, trying hug the child while lifting him or her from the ground. Usually I intervene before the picking up of children, at which time he proclaims his love. If the little one continues to hold his hand or hug him, he is most certain of their love of him.


Next Nathan and I went to the Harbor for Pirate Days, where we met Jack Sparrow...several times.


The slides and jumpers invigorated my boy.


When he ran out of tickets he did his own interpretive dance for a good 45 minutes next to this guy on the otherwise unoccupied pirate sound stage.


We ended the day at Terry and Jeff's for dinner. Turns out my brother-in-law is a good cook and an even better garage/studio designer. It was fun to see their space and some of her works in progress along with pieces from her peers.

One might think I should have been showering my sister with gifts being that she is newly pregnant with a birthday approaching and one would be correct; but this night I was to be the recipient.

Nearly a year ago, I became a certified, ordained Reverend in the interest of serving as officiant in Terry and Jeff's wedding. While I was honored to accept the job, I was terrified on many levels. Perhaps there is another post in this whole experience, but for now, I'll just say I spent a good amount of time on it--where good amount of time, means every spare moment during the month of August 2009. They had a beautiful wedding and I was relieved not to have crumbled into a blubbering mess at the top of the mountain.

As if the whole experience were not gift enough, they touched me deeply after dinner with thoughtful words and gifts, perfect mementos of the day.


Sunday morning, before we headed back home we had breakfast in a super cool courtyard restaurant in Midtown and took in the views from a hilltop over Ventura.

Nathan is a sweet affectionate boy and shall we say...has a soft spot for babies...I suspect Auntie T was getting a little extra lovin' for the peanut too.

Congratulations to Terry and Jeffrey, I couldn't be happier for you and for all of us.

Tour de Palomar

photo by Michael

They made it! Maybe I should he made it! My dad and Michael have been training for a tad longer than the last two weeks, so there wasn't much doubt they would make it. Shaun showed up late to this party, but with some encouragement, sheer determination and the fact that he's a stud, he climbed a mountain today.